You win, God.

Those who know me know that I am a procrastinator. My college professors called me an "active" procrastinator because although I would wait until the night before a paper was due to start it, it was ALWAYS a fantastic paper and for some reason, if I had started it sooner, it was not as good. I'm very pressure prompted and I work best under stress. Typically, this trait serves well in my job. However, because I work from home and don't have a supervisor beating on my door for paperwork everyday, I often get behind. Unfortunately, if there are not consequences to my behaviors, I struggle to do what I'm supposed to do. I try giving myself consequences all the time. For example, I deactivated my Facebook until I finish all my late paperwork. I figured this would motivate me, because I have a friend that I can only talk to on Facebook and he's only available on Saturdays. I deactivated Facebook Sunday night thinking that I would be motivated enough to finish everything by Saturday so I could talk to this friend. Nope. Still didn't happen. Even now, the only reason I'm writing this post is in an act of procrastination. If I have strict deadlines, I have NO problem meeting them. However, because I don't have anyone holding me accountable/giving me deadlines for the work I need to do for my job, it's a huge struggle. 


The only One who has ever been able to motivate me is God. I have no problem doing something if I know He's asked me to do it. 


"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." - Colossians 3:23

Ugh. Fine. You win, God.

It Shouldn't Hurt to be a Child.

This is and has always been one of my favorite weeks of the year... U93 is hosting it's annual Roofsit to promote awareness and raise money for child abuse. Recently, I have not exactly been a fan of U93, only because the music they play is not always what I want to listen to. That being said, I have made it a point to listen more this week because they always have representatives from local non-profit agencies that discuss their efforts to prevent child abuse. I work closely with many of these agencies and love what they stand for. Today, a couple volunteers with CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocates) spoke on air about what they do in regards to child abuse/neglect. I personally love CASA. When I'm done with family social work, I have every intention of becoming a CASA volunteer. These people do a lot of what I do, but without pay. (Many people would argue that I practically work for free as well, but that's not the point...) Their job is to learn EVERY aspect of the case, often getting information from teachers, therapists, parents, foster parents... anyone who knows these kids. They typically visit the kids a few times a month and then advocate for them in court. One of the volunteers said something that really resonated with me... a CASA's mission is to speak for those who can't speak for themselves. They are truly selfless, incredible people and I appreciate everything they do for our children.

Currently, I have 34 kids ranging from 3 months old to 18 years old. One thing I love about this job is that each day is a new adventure. My good friend Allison (who is way more brave than me and works for CPS) summed it up pretty well in her latest blog post: Thank Goodness I Work With Social Workers. The life of a social worker can be rough. When I tell people I'm a social worker, I typically get one of two responses: "Oh, I could never do that." or "Ohhhh, so you take people's kids away."

Ahem.

The last response is my favorite. Most often, it's said with a tone of voice that is NOT supportive or encouraging, but rude and accusing. I went through four years of school to be a social worker and NEVER did I encounter a fellow social work student who chose this profession because they wanted to "take people's kids away." We never wake up in the morning and think, "Gee, I wonder how many kids I'll have the privilege of removing today!" Now, I am not currently in a position where I actually remove children from their homes. I come in shortly after children are removed and work with the parents on what they need to do to get their kids back. My mission is to reunite children with their parents. That's everyone's goal in each case. We're not evil people who find joy in removing children and never giving them back. We do EVERYTHING we can possibly do to make things safe for the child and to get them back with their parents. I often teach parenting education, budgeting, hygiene, coping techniques, stress management, and I support/encourage them in their sobriety efforts. I empower them and advocate for them when needed. There is such a negative stigma surrounding the social work profession, especially when people like Terry Sturgis come into the picture. Truth is, hundreds of kids each year die from child abuse. It's a sad reality, especially when you consider that it could have been prevented. However, it would be nice to also consider the number of kids who have been saved from these tragedies as a result of DCS and other service providers stepping in and removing children from potentially harmful situations. There are currently 34 kids who are depending on me to try and make their lives better, because they can't possibly do it themselves.

No pressure.

Honestly though, I absolutely love what God has given me the opportunity to do. I'm so incredibly passionate about social work. I have the utmost respect for everyone in this profession and enjoy the connection we all have to each other. It doesn't matter where we work or which population/issue we specialize in, all social workers have this bond just because we can all relate to each other. We lift each other up and provide support and encouragement when no one else can empathize with what we're dealing with. We may not have capes or supernatural powers, but in my mind (and in the minds of the children we serve), social workers are superheroes.

Baby, You're a Firework

Most days, my job is fairly rewarding and not too depressing. For those who don't know, I am a social worker. I work for a company that is affiliated with DCS. We provide supervised visitation and case management for families who have had their children removed or are at risk for having their children removed. The main chunk of my hours are spent in supervised visitation, where I transport children from their foster/relative placements to see their biological parents. I have to supervise/observe their every move to make sure parents/children are interacting appropriately.

I've got one case I've been doing visits with for about 6 months. I've grown relatively attached to these kids and am probably a bit harder on their bio parents because of it. I want the absolute best for the children and sometimes you just know that upon reunification, the kids are being sent home because the situation is "good enough"... NOT the absolute best. Regardless, these kids will probably be reunified with their parent in the next few months and we all just have to make the best of it.

One of the kids' birthday was Friday. We had a visit on Thursday and celebrated at that visit. Her dad and grandpa came and brought her gifts and cake and all the kids got Happy Meals. The girl got exactly what she wanted for her birthday and enjoyed about 5 minutes of attention from her family. After that, her grandpa left and her dad went to play with her brothers. No singing Happy Birthday, no big show of blowing out the candles... I'm not even sure if anyone really "wished" her a Happy Birthday. Basically, it was like... Hey, here's your presents, I'm going to go do something else now. No matter how many times she begged her family to play with her and her new toys, the answer was always, "in a minute" or "we're busy right now." I tried to make a point to interact with her because I knew she was disappointed that they were supposed to be celebrating her birthday and no one was paying attention to her. However, regardless of how much attention I gave her, it was not the same as the attention she craved and deserved from her father and brothers.

This made me think back to all the birthdays my brothers and I have had... regardless of what was going on in our family, we were ALWAYS given special treatment for our birthdays. Our parents made it a point to let us know that they were thankful for our existence and that we were loved beyond measure. I woke up to a hand-written poster on my door wishing me a Happy Birthday every year. We always got to pick what we wanted for dinner and what kind of cake/ice cream we wanted. We ALWAYS sing Happy Birthday and were fortunate enough to be able to have birthday parties with friends when we wanted.

This girl turned 10 on Friday. I honestly can't remember what I did for my 10th birthday, but I KNOW that it was special. Every birthday was, even if I didn't appreciate it at the time. However, seeing the alternative and knowing the pain and hurt this girl was feeling, I can now appreciate every attempt my parents have ever made at making me feel like I was wanted and that I was delighted in.

This girl and I can relate to each other fairly easily because we both have two younger brothers. I remember feeling left out when my brothers played together, so most of the time I tried to join them... I had my own set of Pokemon cards, I tried to keep up with them in sports, and I watched wrestling and Cartoon Network with them on a nightly basis. My brothers have always been pretty good about letting me be part of whatever they're doing (well, as far as I can remember), but it's obviously not the same as having a sister to hang out with. Thankfully, I have a mother who paid attention to me and made me feel that I belonged. This girl doesn't have that.

After the visit was over, it was clear that the girl was disappointed in her birthday "celebration." Sometimes when the kids are good, I let them pick out songs to listen to on the trip back to their foster home. This time, I let the girl pick all the songs. The last song we listened to was "Firework" by Katy Perry. This is the girl's favorite song and although she doesn't know all the words, she sings the chorus as loud as she possibly can. Normally, this is distracting and annoying. This time, I let her sing her lungs out.

It brought new meaning to the song... All my life, I've had friends and family telling me that I  am special and that I'm wanted. She is not that privileged. Katy Perry is probably one of the only people telling her that she is worth it. I know how hard it was being a girl throughout my preteen/adolescent years and even now as a young woman how difficult it is when there are so many negative messages that society likes to throw at us... Thankfully, I've had several positive influences in my life who have guided me along the right path. I pray often that a strong, positive female influence will come into this little girl's life and let her know how special she is and how much she is loved. I want her to know that her life is so precious and that she is worth it. I want her to know that she is a "firework."

"God bless you."

This past weekend, I hosted a nice little pity party for myself. Sorry if you weren't invited, but you didn't miss much... I left the party every once in awhile to get out and live, but in the end, I kept going back to this party. It consumed my life... I wasted so much time being in this funk. I was hoping to wake up Monday morning and be done with it as if it was just a 48 hour bug and then it would be over. Unfortunately, this was not the case. 


I stayed up way too late Sunday night and got up way too early Monday morning, so I already started off on the wrong foot. I had a couple appointments scheduled for work and  my second appointment was in Elkhart. I pulled up to this beautiful house with a nice minivan and a Jaguar out front... this is NOT a typical home visit. I enter the home, which has amazing furnishings, the biggest TV I've ever seen in my life, and pictures of sweet, beautiful children all around. I sit down with this mom who had her children removed about a month ago as she goes through her story and cries and begs that I do something to help her. I reassure that I will do everything I can do and ask that cooperates with services as well. As I leave, having comforted the woman as much as I could, she thanks me and says, "God bless you."

As I was driving back to South Bend from Elkhart, I'm considering this case and wondering how much of what mom has just told me is true. I played her story over and over in my mind, praying for the family and exploring her service options. As I was getting ready to throw myself into solving every single one of her problems, my own issues came back and my pity party began again. God has a sense of humor. 

For most of my life, I've coped with my problems by keeping myself busy. I throw my entire self into helping others and doing other projects so that I don't have to think about the things that are bothering me. It's just easier that way. I'll get to my own stuff when I have time... which ends up being never. However, in this moment of trying to focus on someone else's problems, I was severely hit with my own. I couldn't think about anything else. 

I was listening to MercyMe throughout my trip and the song "Beautiful" came on in the midst of my party. 

Amen. As I was listening to the song, I was immediately able to shift my thoughts to praise and prayer. I asked God to take over because I knew this was not something I would be able to overcome on my own. As I was driving and praying and genuinely fighting these annoying emotions, I felt this OVERWHELMING sense of joy. Like, literally, God drew a smile on my face and it stayed there the rest of the day. I felt refreshed, rejuvenated, and ready to go. It was a MAJOR change to my demeanor. I mean, I definitely don't doubt that God works in crazy ways, but this was beyond what I ever could have imagined... I mean, my emotions were so lame and pathetic and there were SO many things going on at the moment with other people who were much more in need of grace, but He still chose to bring me through that dark moment in my life. I felt absolutely freed from the emotions that had become such a burden in the last few days. 


I had been blessed. Thank you, client. Thank you, God.